


Courtship

by ideallyqualia



Series: Rare Pairs [74]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ghosts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 08:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9538895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ideallyqualia/pseuds/ideallyqualia
Summary: Not one, but two ghosts of the same person are haunting Shirabu. Tendou. Tendou's haunting him with twice the productivity.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [wherethepteri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wherethepteri/pseuds/wherethepteri) in the [selfcestfest](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/selfcestfest) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Any rating's fine. Not one, but two ghosts of the same person are haunting Shirabu. Tendou. Tendou's haunting him with twice the productivity.

Shirabu blamed all his problems on the ghost in his apartment. There _had_ to be a ghost, it was the only explanation. Things floated in the air right in front of him, and sometimes he came home to find the living room in a mess. Food even disappeared. The idea pissed him off, beyond fear. _Ghosts_ shouldn't need to _eat_.

Shirabu slapped his hand on the wall. "I'm moving."

"What? Aww, don't do that." Someone stuck his head out from the wall. His opaque, in-between body of dubious molecular stability caught Shirabu's attention.

"You finally showed your face." Shirabu glanced side to side for a weapon.

"Eh? I'm surprised. You're not scared at all." The ghost moved to flip upside-down from the ceiling. "Usually scaring people is fun, but you're so interesting. I don't want you to leave."

Shirabu grabbed an umbrella and swung it at him. Tendou skipped laughter and escalated straight into guffaws.

"You can't hurt me. I'm dead! I can't die more."

"Then what do you call it when a ghost disappears forever?"

The ghost stared at him. "Oh. You're actually scary. No wonder you're not scared."

Shirabu lowered his umbrella. "What?"

"You're not scared because you're so scary, right?"

"What're you talking about?"

"Figure it out, mister ghost expert." He waved his hand. "Anyway, I'm Tendou Satori. Thanks for biting my boredom."

"I'm Shirabu Kenjirou, and I'm moving."

"You just moved here two weeks ago. Moving's gotta be expensive."

"Shut _up_." Shirabu swung his umbrella again. Despite being incorporeal, Tendou split in half to dodge on either side of it, empty space blooming in the middle to let the umbrella fall.

Tendou bent and folded to sharp angles and shapes to avoid Shirabu. Every single time, his mouth opened for a wide funny face, sometimes in a mocking silent scream.

Eventually Shirabu got tired and rested against his couch. He breathed heavily and glared at Tendou.

"So now that you're all tuckered out, how's life? What scares you? I can't have fun otherwise."

Shirabu lifted the umbrella one more time and threw it at Tendou. Tendou easily moved his head aside.

"That didn't even come almost close," Tendou said. "Why don't you try salt?"

"Salt?"

"Don't you watch any movies? That's how you get rid of ghosts."

Shirabu paused and reconsidered. "Why're you helping me?"

"I'm lying, obviously. That doesn't work." Tendou pointed at him and laughed. "You thought I was being honest! You should've seen the look on your face!"

Shirabu resolved to one day tear the building down with his bare hands. He went into his room and slammed the door.

 

* * *

 

Tendou was right about one thing: Shirabu wasn't easily scared. Tendou left the most abominable gifts in the living room -- a dead rat, a snake, a cursed ventiblack photo, a threatening letter written in blood-red ink, a haunted book on eschatology -- nothing scared Shirabu.

Tendou leapt out of Shirabu's dirty clothes hamper. "Hey Kenjirou!" he exclaimed as one word.

Shirabu jumped backward. "Get out of my clothes," he snapped.

"Oh! I scared you! Point one for me."

"A jump scare's cheap. You're not trying." Shirabu grabbed a shirt on the floor that spilled from Tendou's outburst. He flicked it at Tendou with a whiplike crackle.

Tendou didn't even flinch. "You're kinda right. This isn't victory..." He rumbled and rubbed his hand under his chin. "I have to be scarier..."

"Do something nice. That'll scare me." Shirabu tossed his clothing into the hamper and shut it. Tendou didn't come back out.

 

* * *

 

A partially eaten chocolate cake stood on the kitchen countertop. Shirabu eyed it. Giving him dessert didn't scare him, it _shocked_  him, but it could still be a prank. Shirabu didn't put it past Tendou.

"What, not going to eat it? After all the trouble I went through?" Tendou asked as he popped up from the counter.

"You used my food. Really, you owe me money."

"I'll just eat some more, then!" Tendou grabbed a plate and arranged a slice of cake on it.

"If you're not alive, you shouldn't be stealing my food."

"Sugar's wasted on you." Tendou ate the cake without any remorse. He smacked noisily on purpose, too. "Besides, now you should be _really_ scared."

"Why?"

Tendou flashed him a grin. "As you can see, I have access to a knife. And I could throw you across the room if I wanted to."

"If you were a malevolent ghost, you would've done that already." Shirabu grabbed the last piece of cake.

Tendou twitched. "You're really starting to get on my nerves. Annoying."

Shirabu had no idea what to do.

 

* * *

 

"Nothing scares you, huh?" Tendou clapped his hands together and stretched his elbows. "There's gotta be something."

"You're wasting your time."

"You moved into _my_ home, so you're the intruder. You're wasting your own time."

Shirabu hadn't considered that. He grimaced. "It's not like I had a warning."

"Too bad. I didn't have a warning about you, either." Tendou cleared his throat. "Anyway, I've got the perfect plan, you'd better believe it. I'm preparing you in advance. See, I'm giving you a warning."

"Great."

 

* * *

 

Shirabu came home to flowers and candles scattered all over the apartment. He raised an eyebrow. This came as even more of a shock than the cake, but again, nothing remotely scary.

"Who is it?" Tendou called from the hallway.

"Only two people have the key to this apartment, and one of them is the landlord."

Tendou remained silent for a few moments. "Do over. You're supposed to say something like, 'it's me, Kenjirou-kun!'"

"Do you have a point to this?"

"I'll get there." Tendou floated into the living room to greet Shirabu. "What do you think? Looks and smells great, right? Freshens your stinky clothes."

"I don't have a sense of smell." Shirabu's eyes narrowed. "My clothes don't stink."

"You don't have a sense of smell?" Tendou snorted, and then shifted into laughing. "I can smell things, and you can't! I can't believe it!"

Shirabu's stare flattened, removed of his glare.

"Say it. Say, 'Satori, life as a human being is horrible. I can't smell a thing. You're the lucky one.'"

"I don't suffer from it." Shirabu bent his hand to point at a group of candles on the coffee table. "These are completely useless, and a waste of money. Where'd you even get these from? I don't have any."

"I stole from other tenants, of course. None the wiser." Tendou cocked his head. "You butted your head so much I almost forgot what I was trying to do."

"Not my problem." Shirabu dumped his coat on the rocking chair and proceeded to the kitchen.

Tendou stopped him and relocated in front of him. His grin stretched smug, but the soft pull in his mouth startled Shirabu, distracting him from the closeness of Tendou's face.

Tendou pressed forward and kissed Shirabu on the mouth. For the first time, Shirabu experienced the effects of a ghost's non-body: slight pressure lighter than touch, resembling air, and an odd and uncomfortable contrast of unearthly cold that left Shirabu shivering.

He staggered backward. "What're you _doing_?"

"Flowers and candles? You're pretty dense if you didn't get it." Tendou clasped his hands together. "So did this scare you?"

" _No_." Shirabu shook his head. "What were you... Did you think I'd be scared of a _relationship_?"

"No. Commitment issues."

Shirabu dragged his hand over his mouth. "You're the most useless person and ghost in existence."

"I almost scared you, though." Tendou sat taller on his invisible platform. "I'll get it right. I'll think of something else..."

Shirabu fought to ignore the goofy pride on Tendou's face. He cracked his knuckles and stared at the wall instead.

 

* * *

 

Another day, another prank event. Shirabu's nerves remained almost intact in anticipation of another scare attempt. He had to admit, kissing him _did_ grab his heart uncomfortably, but he was more afraid of his reaction than of Tendou himself. After all, he lived alone, and he was unused to being close to anyone.

Tendou floated up from the floor. "Hey, Kenjirou. How was your day?"

Shirabu closed his eyes. Despite Tendou's determination, Tendou tried being amicable.

"It was fine."

Tendou reappeared from another spot on the floor. "I tried a piece of your melon bread earlier! It was great. You should buy more."

Shirabu dropped his belongings. "What?"

The other Tendou _never disappeared_. There were now two of them in front of him, smiling at him.

"This is a joke, right?" Shirabu asked.

"Isn't that just another word for prank?"

"Are you twins or something?"

"Nope. I just felt like multiplying." They both went into the kitchen and ransacked the fridge.

Shirabu had never felt more fear in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> (General A/N that exists at the end of all my fics): I find unsolicited concrit really rude, I'm not looking for any. Please don't tell me someone was OOC/something happened you didn't like/it's too short/etc. in any bookmarks or comments.


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